||Offers specific and sometimes painful parts of oneself in service of connection and empathy
||Offers general offerings (“I’m a sinner” or “My heart is an idol factory”) in service of maintaining an image of one who is safe and honest.
||Responds to another’s pushback with curiosity and compassion
||Responds with defensiveness and reactivity.
||Speaks in present terms (“I am so scared because I self-harmed again this morning, and I feel the temptation again now”)
||Speaks in general or past terms (“I battled this back in the day.”)
||Is other-centered, focused on empathic connection to another.
||Does not breed connection, but actually distances oneself from another, as you may feel like you’ll never be as honest as they are.
||Both vulnerability and fauxnerability may come with tears or a palpable sense that the other is in pain
||But those who are fauxnerable have an uncanny capacity to stage their emotions.
||Those who are vulnerable risk an encounter with shame for the sake of belonging and connection
||But those who are fauxnerable are shameless, deeply self-protected and incapable of letting another behind the curtain.
||Vulnerable people share wisely and discretely, often with close, trusted friends.
||Fauxnerable people over-share, offering too much too soon, in a way that demands that you to be their confessor in a manipulative tactic of engendering your sympathy or inviting you to take their side.
||Vulnerable people don’t take up space but create it through their way of being in the world.
||Fauxnerable people tend to be self-referential, self-congratulatory, and take up too much space.
| * Fauxnerable - the act of being vulnerable by sharing seemingly intimate information in order to manipulate vulnerabliltiy from another person.|