| No. |
Discipline |
Punishment |
| 1 |
Proactive |
Reactive |
| 2 |
Focus upon the future: "Here is what to do instead" |
Focus upon the past: "Stop doing that!" |
| 3 |
Preserves mutual respect of feelings and dignity |
Ignores feelings and dignity of the child |
| 4 |
Raises self esteem. Leaves child feeling good about self |
Lowers self esteem. Leaves child feeling bad about self |
| 5 |
Teaches self-control by explaining reason |
Teaches outside control by offering no explanation |
| 6 |
Parent and child feel good about each other and the relationship |
Parent and child feel disconnected from each other and the relationship |
| 7 |
Parents choice |
Demands compliance |
| 8 |
Sensible, related to misbehaviour |
Arbitrary, unrelated to misbehaviour |
| 9 |
Motivates and encourages to do better next time |
Inspires anger, resentment, rebellion or withdrawal |
| 10 |
Looks for feelings and needs that drive behaviour |
Focuses on behaviour |
| 11 |
Child feels understood |
Child feels misunderstood |
| 12 |
Decreases power struggles, since the needs of parent and child are met |
Increases power struggles because only the needs of the parents are met |
| 13 |
Time in: Parent and child decide together on time |
Time out: Parent decides on time, place, tools and helping person |
| 14 |
Consequences: Focus upon restitution and natural outcome of events |
Consequences: Focus on hurting or depriving the child |
