| No. |
Defending |
Taking Accountability |
1 |
"I didn't mean it that way, so you shouldn't be hurt |
"My intent doesn't erase the impact I had on you" |
| 2 |
Explaining your intent to dismiss their impact |
Listening to their experience without justifying |
| 3 |
"You're too sensitive" or "You're overreacting" |
"That makes sense that you feel that way" |
| 4 |
Making yourself the victim of their feelings |
Sitting with discomfort of having hurt them |
| 5 |
Focusing on proving you're not a bad person |
Focusing on understanding and repair |
| 6 |
Centering your comfort over their path |
Centering their experience and making it right |
