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  First Principles In Parenting  

Proverbs 23:15-26
15 My son, if your heart is wise, then my heart will be glad;
16 my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak what is right.
17 Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD.
18 There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.
19 Listen, my son, and be wise, and keep your heart on the right path.
20 Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat,
21 for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags.
22 Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.
23 Buy the truth and do not sell it; get wisdom, discipline and understanding.
24 The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him.
25 May your father and mother be glad; may she who gave you birth rejoice!
26 My son, give me your heart and let your eyes keep to my ways,

Solomon in these verses, was so vividly expressing how much the parents get overjoyed to see the children turn out as righteous and wise persons in their adulthood. This is the dream of every parents. This parenting program strives to achieve that.

Practising the principles of parenting takes courage, passion and perseverance or as some have said, blood, sweat and tears. Because of implementing the biblical principles of parenting, you would experience joy and satisfaction when you are emotionally connected to your child, when you see them hold on to the values you shared and face their world with ease and confidence through deep and thriving relationships resulting in greater lever of success.

Parenting is very important responsibility that each and everyone of us after the marriage take it up or get involved in by default even witthout any training. For any responsibility like driving, to be a doctor, to build a building etc., we expect people to be well trained and how much more we should seek training for raising up our children.

Even thought we expect parenting to be intuitive, in practice we land up reacting to our kids based on our own past childhood emotional dysfunctions.

Parents are good at meeting the physical (food, clothing and shelter), educational, medical and social needs of our children very intuitively. However, parents are unaware of children's CORE EMOTIONAL NEEDS and it is counter intuitive for them to meet those needs.

Kids themselves do not know when they are emotionally needy. As water, sun light, air and nutrients are the core needs for plant life, children must also have their core emotional needs met in order for them to be mentally and emotionally healthy. The core emotional needs are so important and when they are not met, children go through a feeling of exasperation (that is frustration of core emotional needs and trauma) and develop dysfunctional behaviours.

The FOUR plus ONE core emotional needs of children are :
1. Connection and Acceptance
2. Healthy Autonomy
3. Reasonable Limits
4. Realistic Expectations

See the flow chart below that shows the two pathways the kids go through in general and how they interplay to bring out Healthier and Less Healthy outcome in the kids.

Today's Practical

Father and Mother discuss together about their past years of parenting and both jointly take responsibility for the health or unhealthy outcome of each child.